Valentine's Day

     On February 14th,  the journey to Phoenix was interrupted. The exhaust pipe of our work vehicle decided to stage a melodramatic Victorian death scene, thus crippling the vehicle and forcing us to layover in a mechanic's shop in Indianapolis for several hours. This particular mechanic's happened to be located  on one of the most dismal stretches of road in America. I realized shortly after the truck was raised onto the lift that the bag with all my books, notepads and laptop was nestled comfortably in the backseat. This meant that my options for entertainment were either taking a walk in the snow among the post industrial  wastelands or watching the guests of daytime talk shows weep and beat each other with chairs.
Still, not the worst Valentine's day I ever had.
I took a walk.

After trudging about a mile in the slush among dreary office buildings, payday lenders, decaying greasy spoons and retail auto parts stores in varying states of business failure, I decided that I was in desperate need of coffee. The only place that I saw where the coffee looked like it even might be palatable was a little cafe called Grady's next to the garage. I made my way back there and ordered a cup of what would turn out to be instant coffee. While I tried to doctor this unfortunate beverage into some semblance of palatablity, a woman about my age entered and ordered lunch. somehow I became involved in the process, along with a middle aged guy hanging out at a nearby table. She invited us to  keep her company as she ate. As neither of us had any pressing obligations, we accepted. The next hour of my life was spent in pleasant conversation with people who I never met before and it is highly unlikely I will ever see again. the conversation was not one of those great mind expanding exchanges of ideas or one that dramatically changes your perspective. I learned very little new or life altering information, aside from the fact that Grady's apparently makes an excellent tilapia sandwich. It was simply three people thrown together at random enjoying one another's company and passing the time of day. This commonplace occurrence reminded me of something so  important and obvious that it is sometimes easy to forget. I love Humanity.

     Lest those of you who know me think that I have suddenly become Pollyanna or at least less misanthropic and cynical, let me clarify. In my travels during my thirty six years on this planet, I believe I have formed a fairly accurate impression of the human animal. I have seen the best and worst of humanity, oftentimes in the same seat on the bus. We all go through life mostly confused, frightened, and very much the center of our ow gyroscope. Even the simplest among us is an indecipherable and hopelessly complex tangle of irrational impulses, incurable neuroses and illogical beliefs. We make very little sense, even to ourselves. The entire salvation and damnation of humanity lies in the simple fact that we are each of us doing the best we can.

     I believe every day each one of us wakes up meaning well and trying in simple small ways to make the world a better place. People are looking to find love,  provide for our families, or find meaningful work. We are bogged down by addictions, old scars, selfish impulses, indifference, fear, limited perspective, illness, an inability to change, bad ideas, and each other. This is just the everyday stuff. Yet we can overcome insurmountable odds and thrive in situations that should destroy us. out of our confused and self obsessed lives we are capable of  great clarity selflessness and beauty. It should not be so. It is a miracle that this can happen at all given the odds we have to overcome on an everyday basis. Yet, it happens hundreds of times everyday. Each day is a struggle against our own self and there is no guarantee we will win. Every single person on this planet is capable of great good and terrible evil and you never know from moment to moment what you'll encounter. Everyone is both the hero and villain of their own story.

      When I was young, I saw things on a grand simple scale.I worshiped Genius and Courage. good was good and evil was bad and the two opposite sides were clear and unmistakable. you were one or the other. I think we keep this fiction because it is so much easier to accept the idea that all the harm in the world comes from wicked creatures with glowing red eyes bent on destruction that it is to admit that we can do endless damage in the name of truth and justice. There are no superheroes or people who are specially chosen by destiny for greatness. There are just ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances doing the best that we can. Sometimes that is enough. Like everyone else, I wanted to be one of the special people when I was a kid, to do great things and lead an epic life. Now that I am grown, I have come to realize that there is nothing more amazing, more extraordinary than an ordinary life!